wiggin' out

my life is so f*cking ridiculous. i have 17 tests next week, my best friend's dog that she's had since Charizard went for $75 got run over by a wreckless tractor driver, AND i just stubbed my toe. FML.

pause.

i sat in the exact same spot, in the exact same chair, and the exact same table, for 5 long hours today. brutal right? luckily, this happened to be after all my classes and the only thing i was working on was a mean wifebeater tan. nonetheless, i had moments of stress that rivaled a pathological liar taking a polygraph test (Ja'von: you are not the father). after a while, i realized that my lapses of anxiety had nothing to do with the events occuring in my own life, but of those around me. spring break nightmares. mind-blowingly horrible professors. undercooked cafeteria burgers. missed flights home. long overdue make-ups. heartwrenching breakups. all seemingly unfair and undeniably stressful events. but it got me a'thinkin...

what is stress? really, at its core, what is it? here's my best shot. stress is the gap between how things are and the way we think they should be. i shouldn't have another test next week because we just had one yesterday. my friend shouldn't have gotten cancer, shes so young. i should have gotten into harvard. i shouldn't have gotten dumped.

what i think we all (myself definitely included) fail to see is that there is no gap between the two. things are the way they are supposed to be. i do not mean that the horrible situations some people find themselves in are in any way ideal, but it is the situation that they need to be going through at that point in their lives. i think that it is easy to get caught up in all the bullshit we go through, and makes it all too easy to forget that the failures we have experienced in our past are crutially responsible for where we find ourselves today. its nearly impossible to not resist the shitty circumstances we find ourselves in, but if we are able to step back and realize that this is how things need to be right now, perhaps we would be able to take those horrible moments with a grain of salt. life blows sometimes. but if you allow those sucky times to pass you by with no regard to how to better your future, then that is what you should lose sleep over.

when one door closes, another one opens. sure, some doors get slammed in our faces. break our noses and jam our fingers. allow yourself to nurse those wounds for a while, but don't forget to look up and see the other one opening, slowly but surely (revealing milk and cookies :)) on the other side.


(p.s. none of my original fml premise was true. but if it were, the stubbed toe would've for sure put me over the edge.)

(p.s.s. if it could, my brain would be sending a continuous flow of taquitos, blood orange, in n out, soccer balls, ben n jerrys, hi-chews, crepes, froyo, mochi, boba, and pho the ucla way. just keep swimmin ;))

shhh!!

im starting to get a little teensy eensy bit worried.
here is my cause for concern: there is a fine line between superstardom and anonymity, and Drake is straddling that line with the balance of Michelle Kwan on an ice rink. but with So Far Gone as his triple axel into the limelight, im worried that just a lil bit of his pizzazz will be lost on MTV.

ill compare him to a diamond. diamonds wouldn't be all that tight if everyone had one. you feel me? im not trying to hear Best I Ever Had on the tail end of I Kissed a Girl on 94.9. or the November 18th Soulja Boy remix.

i gotta tip my hat to mr. aubrey graham and wish him great success, but let's let the rest of the world remember him as paralyzed-cuz-they-hadda-shoot-the-black-guy jimmy on degrassi (because between you and me, we both know his talent has no handicap). deal?

mum's the word.
;)

p.s. weezy: get him off your tour!