Toilet Tales

i knew that the hour long orientation to proper toilet etiquette/strategies/wtf to do would not be the last of the potty talk for the 4 months to follow. don't worry - i'll try to keep it peeG-13 (tehehe).

allow me to paint the picture. imagine the toilet you have come to know and love. now, imagine they made the toilet seat flush with the bathroom floor so that there was no way you could possibly sit on it. if we have any (female) campers out there, reminisce about the delicate balancing act in which you squat far enough back as to not pee on the back of your pants, but not so far that your donk meets ground.

in many ways, that camping scenario is more logistically pleasing than the Thailand squat toilet...at least dirt doesn't provide the perfect curvature and splash-prone surface to make sure that absolutely every ounce of pee manages to splash back onto your feet. now that you've managed to semi-successfully aim into the basin, it's time to flush. and by flush, i mean take a scoopful of water from a sketchy basin and allow the laws of gravity to (hopefully) take your excrements with it. Try to go numero dos and you're pushing your luck with the water gravity method.

once in a blue moon, I'll come across a "normal" toilet. Before you get too excited, let me say this -- Thailand doesn't do toilet paper. Don't get me wrong, they'll always have the toilet paper holder...empty...reminding you of the good 'ol days of clean butt-hood. luckily, my (thai) roommate studied in Australia long enough to have the toilet paper tradition rub off on her (no pun intended).

p.s. all jokes and discomfort aside - once i got used to it: 1) i realized how much effing toilet paper the U.S. wastes and 2) we should take a couple notes from our Thai friends on the squatting position as it relates to going number 2 - all i have to say is that it is much more conducive to success (and with all the rice i've been eating, god knows i need all the help i can get)